In-between Sizes

By May 1, 2011Trust

Remember that awkward puberty period?  That was fun.  Clothes were either too big or too tight.  Styles looked good one month and a sudden body shift would turn it into a trash item.  Our society addresses this idea of limbo with a somewhat negative connotation. There’s a pressure to figure it out immediately, “What are your plans?”

Although being in-between sizes can feel uncomfortable, it is a necessary part of growth.  If we always stayed one size, nothing would ever change. I’ve been in these types of situations several times in my life.  Some of them are more obvious than others: graduation from college, moving to China, choosing to come to San Francisco, etc.  Many of my friends are about to graduate and receive their masters’ degrees. They are facing the imminent question “What’s next?”

I find myself asking that exact question.  In the past, I’ve always gritted my teeth through the awkward transition from one size to another.  My decision to move to San Francisco was exciting, but it was also filled with worry, doubt, and concern.  I didn’t have much money.  I didn’t have a job.  I knew almost no one in the Bay Area.  I took a leap of faith, and it worked out, but I realize looking back, that it was only after I had safely landed on the other bank, that I finally exhaled.

This time around, I’m trying something different.  Instead of further defining the worry line on my forehead, I’m practicing patience in the void from what has been to what will be.  I have a choice: hypothesizing over a variety of could be’s or patience, trusting that the answers will come and that I will know what to do in time.

One of the qualities I most admired about my Grandmother was her faith.  She went through some extremely difficult times, but she always knew that it would work out.  I feel her spirit with me, guiding me through the in-between, teaching me how to breathe, to let go, and to trust.

Join the discussion 8 Comments

  • linda says:

    My daughter is in just such a spot. She can’t seem too find her bearings. It’s very stressful for me as she comes up with one plan after another. Plans that seem too silly, too youthful. Based on nothing but whims and dreams. I wish you much luck and happiness. And the faith of your grandmother.

    • Jacqueline says:

      Thank you, Linda! I know your daughter will find her way. My parents have had their own version of stress concerning many of my decisions, especially the ones to move to China and to Montana. It was very difficult for me to go against their wishes and follow my heart. I know their concern was out of love and care. They didn’t want to see me get hurt or to throw away opportunities for my future. I wanted their guidance and advice but sometimes avoided it because I didn’t want to hear another lecture. I was already putting everything on the line, and all I really wanted from my parents was to hear, “I love you, and you will find your way.”

      After a little resistance in the beginning, they ultimately supported all my decisions, and I am close to both of them today in large part because of their acceptance and patience with my choices.

      I also wish you and your family much luck and happiness! 🙂

  • Amanda C. says:

    These are things we all need to remember! Thanks Jackie, this was beautiful!

  • Luca says:

    Lovely Jackie, as always. You know, I was in HZ a couple of weeks ago, it would have been nice to have you there too. Met Xiaojie, Luke, Amie and other friends of ours. By the way, check my website, you will find a surprise under the page “amici” 🙂

  • Puberty….An inevitable thing to come to every soul’s life…I guess….Well, we all have to transition from one size to another….dealing with different phases of life….There’s where lies the mystery and the beauty of this wonderful journey called LIFE….
    BTW, We were in China few years back in HZ…..
    Much love……Jayita

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