Remember that awkward puberty period? That was fun. Clothes were either too big or too tight. Styles looked good one month and a sudden body shift would turn it into a trash item. Our society addresses this idea of limbo with a somewhat negative connotation. There’s a pressure to figure it out immediately, “What are your plans?”
Although being in-between sizes can feel uncomfortable, it is a necessary part of growth. If we always stayed one size, nothing would ever change. I’ve been in these types of situations several times in my life. Some of them are more obvious than others: graduation from college, moving to China, choosing to come to San Francisco, etc. Many of my friends are about to graduate and receive their masters’ degrees. They are facing the imminent question “What’s next?”
I find myself asking that exact question. In the past, I’ve always gritted my teeth through the awkward transition from one size to another. My decision to move to San Francisco was exciting, but it was also filled with worry, doubt, and concern. I didn’t have much money. I didn’t have a job. I knew almost no one in the Bay Area. I took a leap of faith, and it worked out, but I realize looking back, that it was only after I had safely landed on the other bank, that I finally exhaled.
This time around, I’m trying something different. Instead of further defining the worry line on my forehead, I’m practicing patience in the void from what has been to what will be. I have a choice: hypothesizing over a variety of could be’s or patience, trusting that the answers will come and that I will know what to do in time.
One of the qualities I most admired about my Grandmother was her faith. She went through some extremely difficult times, but she always knew that it would work out. I feel her spirit with me, guiding me through the in-between, teaching me how to breathe, to let go, and to trust.