Lessons in Rejection
Rejection Therapy has been a roller coaster, and I’m absolutely loving it (well, mostly). In my 2 weeks of rejection, I’ve been told “no” and “yes” countless times. As I mentioned in my first post, Rejection Therapy: Week One, I’m using Rejection Therapy as a catapult for pursuing my longstanding dreams. It’s also served as daily in-the-moment motivation to ask for what I want.
Top 3 Lessons I’ve Learned from Rejection Therapy thus far:
- We often reject ourselves before we give anyone else a chance
- Even when you receive a “no” from someone else, you’re still saying “yes” to yourself
- It’s not personal
Rejection of Self & Asking a Guy for Coffee
I’m beginning to understand why the word “Rejection” is such a frightening word. Rejection is often associated with feelings of unworthiness. “I’m not good enough.” “If I were only 5 lbs lighter…” “Maybe I just don’t have what it takes.”
I will be the first to admit that I’ve had multiple times in my life where I felt unworthy or not good enough in some capacity. That feelings sucks. It’s a difficult emotion to move through, and it can be very painful. As adults, we often try to avoid these feelings. We’ve felt them in our more open and nieve youth, and that was enough.
Yesterday, I asked a guy to coffee. Under normal circumstances, I probably would have avoided the question, but if I figured, the worst that can happen is that I get rejected. He said no. And despite my head voice’s urgings to give me an “Atta girl!” for trying, I felt rejected (not in the good way). Did he say “no” because I wasn’t wearing makeup or because I was wearing workout clothes when I met him?
I went for a walk. Did I read the signals wrong? Somewhere between my impatient strides and listening to my music, I realized I had taken a chance and that was okay. It was small, but courageous. I felt better, got some coffee, and let it go. Oh well–part of the journey, and I definitely got my rejection for the day!
…the funny thing is right after I had made my peace with the situation, he texted back. Apparently, I had misunderstood his message, and he does want to get coffee. Does feeling rejected count as rejection? Probably not.
Saying “Yes” to Yourself:
When I asked “John Doe” to coffee, I got a “no,” but I also said “yes” to myself. I wasn’t left wondering, “What would’ve happened if I only…” To me, the always wondering is much worse than temporary rejection. And saying “yes” to myself and what I really want feels good. I’m honoring myself in the process, and even though it’s always nice to receive an affirmation from someone else, it’s not nearly as important as the self respect gained by listening to my heart.
It’s not personal:
I’ve also realized that rejection is most often not personal. In fact, it’s usually about the other person in some capacity. For example, I asked another guy I was interested in if he would like to hang out sometime (I’m making up for chickening out last week). He said “no” also, but it’s because he has a serious girlfriend. I’m glad I asked! If not, I would have thought about it every time I went to the class we attend and wondered why he wasn’t asking. Instead, I know the reason, and I’m not losing any sleep over it.
I also asked an organization if I could give a 15-20 minute speech on Rejection Therapy. I didn’t hear back. I’m not concerned. Maybe the person I wrote to hasn’t read the email, or is checking on something, or it’s not right for them. It’s not because it isn’t a worthwhile subject or that I should stop trying.
I focused on some of my rejections in this post, but for every rejection, I received many more “yes’s.” One of the best ones was from Live Inspired who will be giving away 3 fantastic inspiration packages for 6 Month to Live’s readers. I am thrilled! Their books, The 1 Book and The 5 Book, are incredible and have inspired me and so many of my actions. I will be holding a contest very soon, so stay tuned for updates and your chance to win!
Also, I want to acknowledge Oddznns for taking on Rejection Therapy as fuel to get her book published! I think that’s magnificent, and I wish her the best of luck! There’s a small group of us now, and we’re making our way through August.
Rejection’s going to happen in life–we can either fear it or face it, receiving as many “no’s” as it takes until we realize our dreams.
Will you join us? A lot could happen. Let’s get rejected!