The shootings in America this weekend are truly horrifying.
What’s more terrifying is how commonplace this news is becoming and that the shootings in Chicago didn’t even make national news. I still remember how shocking the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings were. The grief we felt as a nation matched that of 9/11, and we couldn’t fathom how this could even be possible, and yet here we are 20 years later. Moreover, the active duty military suicides is at a record high and a report in 2016 analyzed that 20 veterans per day commit suicide. What is going on? How is this even possible?
Most importantly, what’s it going to take to make a change?
What does it actually take to create change in any area of our lives?
There’s many places this post could go, but I’m going to focus on the heart and what it actually takes to create change. Humans don’t like change. Whether it’s biology, society, environment, or a combination, humans are usually afraid of the unknown. It makes sense. The unknown could be a tiger, so better to be safe than sorry.
Our brain protects us. Our heart opens us.
In Brené Brown’s TED Talk on vulnerability she cites the latin root of the word courage or “cor” meaning heart. Courage comes from the heart, not the head. And it takes courage to change.
Photo by Daniel Clay on Unsplash
Courage in Action
I was talking to a close friend of mine about my deepest and most heartfelt dream — to complete and publish my first book, Heart Language. It’s been many years, and still no book because if I’m honest, I haven’t been willing to do what is necessary to change.
After my recent birthday, I decided enough was enough. I proudly told my friend (who has encouraged me for the past 3 years to make this my top priority), “I’ve reserved one day this week to work on my book!” And he laughed at me for a good 2 minutes. And then he said, “Real change is not made 1x a week, Jackie. It’s made in the days. If you really want to change, change your days, not your weeks.”
Life Happens in Our Days
I didn’t believe people when they said “time flies” when I was younger because I thought time is time. How could it change? And yet, the older I get, the more I realize how days and weeks can fly by and you have no idea where they went or how you spent them.
Life is too precious to leave with an unsung song in your heart.
The Two Biggest Changes We Can Make Right Now
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Change *one* thing in your day.
Spend 10 extra minutes reading to your kids. Do the 6-minute plank challenge I’m currently doing. Tell someone you love them. Give yourself 5 minutes for meditation. Take your colleague to lunch. Whatever it is you’ve been craving in your heart — connection, health, well being, you time, family time, love — make that change. I’ve started writing 10 minutes a day in the morning using the “World’s Most Dangerous Writing App,” which literally deletes all my writing if I stop for more than 2 seconds (not kidding) because my friend is right. Change is made in our days, not our weeks. If I want to finish my book, I need to make it a daily priority.
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We need to talk to each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt.
We’re so angry these days. There’s a lot to be upset about, but taking our pain out on each other is not the answer. Yesterday, a friend posted something on social that was controversial. Usually, I would have ignored it, but before I knew it, I was direct messaging him to start a dialogue about what he shared. What usually would have caused resentment and minutes or even hours of frustration and drama was negated in a 5-minute exchange where he shared that my interpretation was actually not his intention at all — it was intended to be lyrics from a song to reflect a larger issue. He reposted, taking away his original comment, and I walked away having more respect for him and the exchange we had.
What if we look for the good in people and respectfully discuss our viewpoints with the goal of creating a better world for all?
For true change to happen you must be:
- Ready
- Willing
- Able
This applies to every area of life. Some of us are able and willing, but not ready. Others are ready and willing, but not able. All three must be present for lasting change.
One of my Mom’s and my all-time favorite quotes is, “If not you, who? If not now, when?” -Hillel the Elder
No one is going to do it for us. We all must step up.
Are you ready, willing, and able to make a change?